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safe and sound

Well, after a week in Arizona and a week on the road, I am finally back at home.

 What's it like to be home?

 ...

 I walked in, and the first thing that struck me was how colorful and high-contrast my house is. I had forgotten. Most houses aren't this bright or this high-contrast. It was also cool and smelled nice. 

 And then I felt something less pleasant, almost like a weight settling on my shoulders. An oppressive weight wanting me to be the same person I was before I left. My room is the same. My house is the same. But I'm different. And I have this weird feeling that my house doesn't like that very much, and it wants the previous me back. 

 I have learned and grown so much over the past eight months, I cannot even begin to describe it. I am NOT the same girl who walked out of this bedroom early on January second. I am totally different. But the fact that I'm back here is threatening to take away EVERYTHING I learned. I have worked TOO HARD to become the person I am now to let this house take it away, so I'm going to have to work really hard to keep progressing and not make any regressions. It's going to be hard. Really hard. And I'm scared. I'm scared that I'm not going to win this battle.

 This all sounds super cheesy to you. You know what? Don't judge. The end.

 So I have to fight hard. I'm going to redecorate my room, and if I'm lucky I might be able to buy a new bedspread. Depending on how quickly I get a job and how much I make, I'd like to get a whole new wardrobe and actually wear what I want to wear. (I'm feeling ambitious.) I'm going to make myself a schedule and keep getting better and better. I refuse to waste these few months. 

 I'm going to be brave.
Wish me luck.

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Comments

  1. KimberlyAugust 4, 2014 at 11:59 PM

    You. Me. Talk. Often. (During this time in our lives, kay?)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. CatherineAugust 5, 2014 at 11:26 AM

      Um. Absolutely. All the time. (And always, kay?)

      Delete
  2. Wellesley KopsaAugust 5, 2014 at 10:07 AM

    Catherine, I think as you go after the higher goals you have, the staying who you've become will take care of itself. Course, you probably already knew that. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. CatherineAugust 5, 2014 at 11:26 AM

      Thanks for the encouragement, dearest. <3 I think you're right, that it will all sort. I just have to take a different approach, I think. I'll be fine. :)

      Delete

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