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This is my last week

These past few days I have been thinking about the life I have lived up until this point. I am SO indescribably grateful for everything I've been allowed to live. I've learned a lot and a lot about a lot of different things. I've experienced some really cool things. I've loved deeply. I've honed some skills. I have some regrets, but I'm largely happy with the narrative that is my life. And I have been so very blessed. 
Today is Wednesday. My last Wednesday of.................. what? Is there a name for this remarkable tale of which I have been the flawed but striving heroine? I'm not sure.
Next Wednesday I'll begin something new. It's not something that's about me. Just about everything I've done up until this point has been, to one degree or another, about me. Not necessarily in a selfish way; after all, we've all got to make our own way. If we don't, we'll die. So essentially everything I have done up until this point has been for me. And while it's true that this will be good for me, too, that's more of a side benefit of what's actually about to happen.
In essence, I'm laying down on the altar. I'm putting 
eighteen months of my life
all my earthly money
my talents and skills
my mind
my individuality
many of the things I use to characterize me as "myself"
almost everything that I like to do
my comfort zone
my future
my life
on the table. All for Him. Holding nothing back. That's the only way--to throw myself at the task before me, to jump in with both feet. Maybe there is another way, but I'm a little dramatic and in my line of sight, it's give all or give nothing in this case. 

 I'm happy to give it all.
Why?
Because it's right. 
This is the Gospel of Jesus Christ--the true Gospel with authority and guidance and continuing revelation from the Lord. The Gospel with the power to change lives and hearts and everything there is. The Gospel that teaches repentance as a joyful process of change, and faith as strength, and covenants (or "rules") as safety. I have never been happier than when I am actively pursuing the goal of being a better better covenant-keeper, closer to my Savior, repenting daily, trying to be as good as I can. It may sound cliche to you, but to me it's all that really matters. 
I have learned that everything in my life changes. Locations change, plans change, appearances change, preferences change; even my relationships, which I thought and often hoped would never change. Everything changes. But there is one thing that has never changed, in all my crazy shifting history of humanity and foolishness and courage. 
The love of my Savior, and His teachings. It is always there, more constant than light from the stars or the sun, and warmer too. He always helps me when I ask Him. Even when I don't ask Him. He always does what is best for me and He always is aware of me. 
I never could paint Him well in words.

 Eighteen months is a year and a half I am giving to Jesus Christ uncomplaining; He has given me the rest of my years. 

 But........
I won't pretend I'm not afraid...
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Comments

  1. KimberlyJanuary 29, 2015 at 12:28 PM

    I love you billions. **giant hug** Miss you lots! And will miss you even more when you're in Cali... even though you'll technically be closer ;) xoxoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. CatherineJanuary 29, 2015 at 1:48 PM

      **Giant hug back** I miss you tons, too! Oh long-distance friendships, haha. Take care of yourself. :) I LOVE YOU!!! <333333

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