The real world

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I graduated from high school with grand aspirations. I felt I had been blessed with the basis of an incredible education, and I was on a mission to change the world. It can't be that hard, I thought, can it? I know what needs to happen, and I know some ways I can make it happen.

So I moved on from high school. That's when I realized something. It was something I had already been told, a million times in a million ways. It was something I had seen over, and over, and over again, and I had sworn it would never happen to me.

This world is demanding. It doesn't care about your education; it says, "show me you're worth your salt. What can you give me, now?" It doesn't care if you're a good person. It says, "that's great, but what can you give me?" It's a lot like trying to fill a bottomless pit: the world is never going to stop demanding things. That's the hard part. It's difficult to change the world when you're fighting for food every day.

They tell you that the world is your oyster. In a way, that's true: you can choose any direction you want to from here out. But it's not completely true. Because you are a human being, you have basic needs: sustenance, shelter, clothing. And then, of course, there are commodities like transportation and nice things that we want. And there's one thing that all of those things have in common: they all require money. And acquiring money means getting a job--supporting yourself. And supporting yourself means working--a lot. And if you're not careful, working means losing sight of the things that are important to you, and the things that you always wanted to do. I've seen it happen before; who hasn't? But it didn't become real to me until I started to experience it myself.

You see, every day I wake up between 6:30 and 7. I exercise, less frequently than I should, and take a shower. I eat breakfast. I try to study the scriptures for a full hour, but usually I'm lucky if I get in half an hour. Lately it's been less. Then I get in the car and drive to work. I work Monday through Friday, 10am to 6pm. It's a HUGE blessing to work full-time, but it begins to take its toll on a free-spirited girl. I get home tired, and on the nights when I have no obligations, I get into my pajamas and eat dinner, and am too worn out to do much else. It's worse the nights when I *do* have other obligations. It's difficult even to just keep up with my very minimal routine household tasks, like keeping my room clean and my laundry on schedule.

I promised myself a long time ago that three things would always be more important than school or a career.

1. My God, my religion, my spirituality;
2. My relationships with my family and friends;
3. My aspirations for making a positive difference in the world.

But I come home tired and I don't have very much energy for playing games with my brothers, or calling my friends, or making art, or practicing the piano, or reading, or doing much of anything, really. It's hard to try to make something more of yourself when you're constantly exhausted.

BUT WHAT ELSE ARE PEOPLE TO DO?! The existence I have right now isn't really a life. And if I'm not careful, going to school isn't really a life either. Homework, all the time. As much amusement as I can squeeze in between homework and work and church and any other obligations. It's better than this, but it's still not approaching what I want in my life. Work is good. Plenty of work is good. But so is study and learning. So is time alone and with God. So is time with family and friends. So is making art and making a difference in whatever way you choose. 

What did people tell me when I stepped into this?
"Welcome to the real world."

The scary thing isn't the fact that this is my current stage of life. I accept that we've all got to have times where the life we're living doesn't fully satisfy us, in order to bring about situations and circumstances in which we can build that kind of life. I'm earning money for college and a mission. That's just the way it's gotta be.

The scary thing is the fact that some people, when they're told this is what life is, slowly learn to accept it. And that's how they live their entire life. That's why it's so hard to make a difference in the world--because money. It takes money to make a difference. And by the time you're in a financial position to do what you set out to do, most people are beaten down, or are so used to their current lifestyle that all the brash, crazy courage, wild dreams, and unlikely plans of their youth are all gone. 
There's insurance, and water, and heating and cooling, and gas, and car repairs, and home repairs. There are lawn mowers, and dishes to buy when yours break, and sometimes your fridge leaks and it gets under your wood floors and ruins them. People will ask you for money when you're in a tight place and sometimes you're going to be without income. Sometimes the kids have ADD or dyslexia or just generally aren't doing well in school, and all they want to do is kick a soccer ball, or read, or play video games. There are dirty clothes to wash and dirty kids to bathe and a dirty house to clean, and the dog came in with mud on its paws, and then you're dirty so you take a shower, and just when you think everything is clean you've got to clean it all again. You're gonna have responsibilities in the church and in the community, and people are going to want to set up playdates with your kids because this world is a social place. The brakes on the car need to be looked at and your house needs to be painted and yeah, you probably feel a little bit behind, to say the least. And guys, that's all in a day's work for an adult. (Not just one day, but yeah.) 
No wonder so few people change the world.

I told myself when I was younger that I was going to change the world. Now I'm staring at this seemingly unclimbable mountain called Adulthood that's threatening to beat the crap outta me. I know how many people it's beaten in the past. I know that I have very slim chances of actually *doing* what I intend to do. Am I foolish still to intend to do it? Am I foolish to still hope to make a difference? 

Maybe things will be different when I come back from my mission, but I'm doubting they'll be *that* different. Instead, I'm hoping to become intentional. I realized that intentionality is power. Those who know where their two most precious commodities--time and money--go, are the ones that really make it. Those that are working hard to be mindful about their lives are the ones that we tend to look up to and wonder how they do all the things that they do. "The heights by great men reached and kept were not attained by sudden flight; but they, while their companions slept were on facebook, were toiling upward in the night." 
So yeah... Life is going to continue to beat the crap outta me. And you, too. It was designed so that it would be a struggle for you to get above that and stretch toward your potential. That's just how it's gotta be. But that doesn't mean you and I weren't meant to reach potential. We've just got to be serious about it. We've got to be so serious about it that nothing can distract us for long. 

Dreaming isn't enough. Never has been, never will be. And they say, you know, "don't just dream, get up and DO something about it!!" And that's all very true. But the fact of the matter is, you're going to be working or going to school or both for these next few years after you graduate from high school with a little money and a lot of dreams. So just chasing our dreams isn't going to be an option for most of us.

Instead, work really hard. And while you do that, work really hard toward your dreams. No, it's not as easy as we all thought it would be fresh out of high school; but I think--I hope--it's still within reach.