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Catherine: a balancing act

There are so many wonderful people in this world--people I aspire to be like. I like her attitude and his turn of phrase. I like her mannerisms and I like the way he makes people feel. I like this and I like that, and I want to be like that. 

 But in my eagerness to become more like those whom I admire, I sometimes forget that I was made uniquely Catherine. I will never be you. I will never be anyone else I look up to. And while it is good for me to emulate some of their traits--while that would benefit me and make me into a better person--some of their traits are as uniquely theirs and different from mine as mine are uniquely mine and different from theirs. If that makes any sense at all.

 For example, I realized recently that there are a few people I will never be like because we don't have the same temperament. The fact that I'm a pretty dang chill person prevents me from being like some of those I look up to, but that's not a bad thing. I have to constantly remind myself to embrace myself as a chill human and remember that the fact that I am exactly as I am is going to touch somebody(s) that nobody else can touch, because nobody else is Catherine. 

 The world needs a Catherine... and that means I can't be wrapped up in being too much like anyone else. So while I must constantly aspire in order to stay alive, I must aspire within the bounds of staying myself. And ultimately, the only human I can really aspire to be exactly like is the perfect version of myself. She lives inside me. She fights to get out every day. When I do wrong, I'm fighting against her. But I'm also fighting against her when I tell her she's not perfect and I try to be different from who she is.

 Not okay.

 Perfect Catherine lives inside me. She's a balancing act that I can't seem to get quite right. But I'll never stop trying. 
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