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The Gut Sense

Last Saturday, I climbed a tree. It was the first time I'd really climbed a good tree for five years or so (tragically). It's not like I've been glued to the ground for those five years--I've been up high plenty of times--just not tree-climbing.

Now, there's something you must understand. As a kid, I was the most daring (or stupid; I still haven't decided which it was) tree-climber I knew. When the kids from church all climbed that extremely tall evergreen in back of the church, I always went the highest. When the bark started to get flaky and the branches started to sway, they stopped, but I kept going. I put my weight on several branches at once and always got a good grip, not letting the flaky bark betray me. I wasn't afraid: I loved the feeling of being as far away from the ground as possible (I still do). 
But it's been a long time since I climbed a tree, and on Saturday, I noticed a dramatic difference in my climbing style. Not only was I more cautious because I was wearing nicer clothes (WHAT HAS GROWING UP DONE TO ME?!? D:), but I was more cautious because of something inside of me.

Fear.

Fear of falling. Fear that I was too heavy and something would break. Lack of trust in my hand- and footholds. I didn't fully trust the tree and I didn't fully trust myself. 
Don't get me wrong, it was way cool to be in a tree again, but it was so different it shocked me. When did I stop feeling the connection with the tree, the air, the space between the ground and my body, and my body itself, that I became afraid? That I stopped trusting? 
I wasn't a very trusting child, not of people anyways. I can't remember a time when I fully believed in Santa Clause (though I would have never admitted that to anyone else--to be honest, my lack of faith disturbed me ;). But I knew how to live by my gut sense, and the things I felt about the world. I had a bit of a gut sense about life as I did about trees.
I still have a gut sense. But I stopped trusting it at some point. I'm afraid to trust it. Afraid it will betray me, that it will be wrong, that it will fail, or that I won't be connected enough to it. But I think I need to fix that. It's so much easier and more exhilerating to navigate a tree with intuition rather than fear--and I imagine life is the same way.


    
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Comments

  1. Wesleigh :)October 4, 2013 at 12:35 PM

    Chip! I love this! :) I've actually been writing a post similar to this(: But I feel the same way!
    Stay awesome chip!
    <3 wes

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. CatherineOctober 4, 2013 at 4:57 PM

      No way! Great minds think alike. :D Thanks for your comments, Wes! Stay awesome yourself! :)

      Delete
  2. Dallin WardOctober 4, 2013 at 1:37 PM

    Great post Chip, I love it. :)

    ReplyDelete

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