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Best days of our lives

I hate endings. Especially sad ones--endings where the characters have to say goodbye, or a character loses something special to him. Not only do I hate endings in books and movies, I hate them in my own life--when a transition comes, it makes me want to cry every time. Things like moving, leaving youth conferences--like LDSHE or EFY--or graduating, as I'll be doing this spring. I hate saying goodbye to great experiences, or to friends whom I won't see for a year or more or maybe even forever. Not only that, but my past stays on my mind: a certain song, picture, phrase, even just a word, can bring it all flooding back. And it gives me an ache inside. I just really, really, really don't like endings.



But I was listening to this song the other night (as I have for a while, but I've never had this realization before), and it hit me in a way it never had before that every ending was really a beginning in disguise. Every time a good thing comes to an end, it's an opportunity for another good thing to come and take its place. When I move away from a place, though it breaks my heart, I learn so much from the experience. When I leave a youth conference, I have the chance to turn around and share what I've learned and bless others. When I graduate this spring, I'll be on to new adventures. It's not like there's a limit on fun in our lives. It goes on. And on. And on.  
Not only this, but also, I realized that if I focus too much on the past, I blind myself to what is happening in my present. I miss out on all the good times I could be having because I'm too busy thinking about good times that I can't have anymore. There are opportunities seize, views to enjoy, and good things to experience at all times, and if I'm too focused on what I wish hadn't ended, I'll miss these. 
Still, I have a hard time with the notion that endings are beginnings. "Why can't good things just go on forever?" I always find myself wondering. "Why did it have to end so soon?"--but it's not an ending. It's a chance to make a new start. Have a fresh go at life. A blessing. In a really painful wrapper. 
But the good times don't end. Remember when you were a kid and thought adults were boring? I remember specifically being worried that I would be too boring to have any fun by the time I was fourteen years old. And I can tell you right now, I have more fun now than I did when I was fourteen... and that just keeps on happening. Every time I think life is going to get boring by the time ________(fill in the blank), it just...doesn't. And I suppose it'll go on that way. 
So I'm trying to change my attitude. I hate endings still, but I'm trying to view them through a different lens: the lens of, "I'm thankful I had this experience. It's changed me in innumerable ways. But now it's time to move on, and new things are ready to be learned and experienced, and new people are waiting to be met. What am I to do now?"

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  1. UnknownJanuary 6, 2013 at 4:22 PM

    Interesting, Cuz. I suppose I had the same problem this year not being able to be in co-op anymore. I'm still trying to hold onto those experiences, but they were only there when I needed them. Now that I don't, I need to concentrate on what I need now... anyways.
    Love you!
    Quim

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